It’s a beautiful intention to use your personal positive power and be a positive agent. But what about being bullied and intimidated? Some workplaces are toxic or dangerous. I know. It’s for you to decide when you are safe enough to do something about it.
Let’s take a quick look at intimidation, bullying, unreasonable negative feedback, harsh criticism or vague threats.
We start with acknowledging the others’ underlying need. This could be a need to control your behaviors so that what you’re doing serves them or adds to the team goals. Of course, we also try to be aware of our own state. Are you seeing the other as a person or as a demon? How bad do you feel? How can you stay calm and look objectively at what happens?
If your supervisor Jane says that you need to work harder, or else… That you don’t fit in well enough. That you are difficult to work with…
Assert yourself calmly and ask for clarification: what exactly does she mean, when, where and how did this happen? Gather the facts.
Discuss the “how” with meta-communication:What is your personal experience with intimidation? Click To Tweet
“I start to feel a little tense as this sounds somewhat threatening to me.” (Silence to let Jane respond).
Or you might benefit from possibility-oriented questions:
“I worked as hard as I could. How could I do better? What are your tips?”
“How could we make this situation work well for everyone?”
Make it safer for yourself:
“I’d like to invite a third person to facilitate our conversation about this issue. Shall we reschedule and ask Marcia to join us?”
Of course, this takes practice and courage. But if you consistently respond in an authentic way, respecting your values and respecting the other, you role-model openness.
That can be uncomfortable, sometimes even disruptive or threatening for people who are firmly attached to Ego-needs and who want to control others. Do not judge them but show them how to create an honest dialogue.
I personally love this wise advice: Don’t focus on what others are doing wrong. Focus on what you can do right to help.
How could you apply this? What are your experiences? I’d love to hear your examples!
This is book post #61 – Part “YOU”
By the way, if you want to contribute to a positive workplace culture, my next open workshop on Positive Culture Change Leadership is scheduled for May 2018! More information and registration is available at a first come first serve basis.
Copyright © Marcella Bremer 2017. All rights reserved.
Leaders, employees, consultants, citizens – everyone can make a positive difference from any position, without needing permission or resources from others. This blog will help you see positive possibilities and (re)claim your positive agency. Unstuck yourself and engage others via your interaction and actions. Transform into a positive organization where people and performance thrive.
I’m blogging my next book: “Positive Power at Work – How to make a positive difference from any position.” Your feedback is appreciated!